You were the antidote
That got me by
Like a drug
That got me high
so like i’m sitting here with my bro bobby talking to my other bro fishy via webcam while we all do american history homework. which isn’t actually homework for my bros cuz all they gotta do is read while i’ve got like fifty bazillion tons of shit worksheets to do but w/e. anyway we’re all sitting here poking fun at presidents when the phone rings and i bitch and bitch until bobby gets up to get it.
so he does and he’s talking on the phone with someone who sounds important so i guessed it was our dad. then he gets all pale and goes silent and turns to me and says that it’s thomas jefferson on the line and he wants to know why we threw away our copy of the declaration of independence. see we threw it away cuz our dog peed on it and no one wants a pee-scented declaration (that dog is totally not american btw we think he’s english) and we haven’t told anyone about it yet cuz it happened this morning. so i called bobby out on bullshit and he got really scared looking and said that jefferson was gonna sick his slaves on us if we didn’t tell him the truth. so bobby told jefferson the truth then hung up real fast like.
as i was explaining this to fishy the radio turned on by itself an some ad for cars came on really loud like MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY BUY NOW MONDAY CARS 50 PERCENT OFF MONDAY BUY NOW NOWWWWWW and so i went to turn off the radio.
there was a piece of tape on the back of the radio. it said “thomas jefferson was here.”
guys who is pretending to be thomas jefferson and why are you scaring me